Those months after ...

 

Preface

A sequel to a blog? It did not sound like a good idea. After all, any sequel never lives up to expectation especially after the reception of the first part. But then again, there have been sequels that have seen success like the movie “Bahubali”, "KGF" or the classic “Godfather”!

So, why not, I asked myself. At the end, I decided that I’m writing to chronicle what I went through and to reminiscence and read it in my "Old age". While I do hope that it helps others who read it, I’m doing this to satisfy my writing urge. With this justification, I used my blogger friend and mentor, Sri Srinidhi as a sounding board and asked his opinion off a “sequel blog” He immediately said, “Good idea”.

So here it is, sequel to my earlier blog  

Those three months in 2022

Any blog needs a title and the first one that I wrote was called “Those three months in 2022” or “TTM 22”

Without any further ado, “Those months after..” or “TMA 22”

Those months after…

Now, was I still a patient? No, I thought. The doctors have operated on me and I am cured. Yes, I do have to take some post operative medicines, but that’s nothing to do with my heart condition earlier. 

Am I fully fit and a normal person who can perform all normal set of activities? The answer for that too was a “No”. I was recovering from Coronary arterial bypass graft (CABG) surgery and not from any simple sniffles.

So, this was the first of the dilemmas that I went through. No, I’m not a patient, but, no, I’m not yet a fully recovered person and must  “exercise” (with) caution. 

The first of the emotions and feelings that hit me was that I could not do the kind of physical exercises that I could do before my surgery. A simple effort of blowing a Spirometer, which was literally a breeze (no pun intended) was now a great effort and my lung capacity had come down so drastically. What would take me under ten minutes to cover a kilometre in my brisk walk, was a distant dream and I could now only walk at a pace of 30 mins per Km.

A Spirometer to check the lung power 

I couldn’t easily cough and take the phlegm out and a simple cough was such an effort, that I had to hold a pillow or a chest pad, cross my arms and then cough! Doesn't it sound dramatic? Look at the picture and you will find it funny (PC: Anita)

 

My first outing in the car with my chest pad on

Anita had rightfully shielded me from meeting people and she strictly restricted people from visiting home and “see” me. She was right of course, as she always is! I was weak and prone to infections.

I was controlled on the time to talk over video calls too, as my throat was still hurting due to the pipe which had been inserted to assist me breathing, when being taken out, had naturally caused some abrasion and it was painful if I spoke for a long period of time.

My stamina was down, and I had to rest very frequently.

 Diet

My diet was strictly restricted, and I was literally being “(S)mothered” by Anita. Oh, not that I was complaining. Who doesn’t like attention for that matter! But we all know some times mothers can be excessively restrictive and bothersome. 

Now, it is some confession time. I used to wait for her to go to buy vegetables and fruits (she would never leave me alone and our house help Sukanya was asked to baby sit me during her absence) and then sneak into the kitchen and pop in something which I was not “supposed” to be eating. Well, those stuff eaten in stealth, after taking Sukanya into confidence (she used to say “Swalpa maatra appa, thumba thinbedi” - a little bit, do not eat too much) was always so satisfying and would give me great pleasure. Nothing like the forbidden fruit or in this case forbidden food.

 To name a few that were off my diet were “Peanuts” and how much I love them. Coconut, imagine a South Indian cuisine without coconut. Oil - A Dose without oil -Ugh! Low on salt, not much of sugar and the list just went on and on. I am reminded of a nice poem written by T P Kailasam.

ಬತ್ತಿ ಎಣ್ಣೆ ಇಲ್ಲದ್ದೀಪಗಳು (Lamps without wicks and oil)

ಕುದುರೆ ಇಲ್ಲದ್ಗಾಡಿಗಳು (Vehicles without horses to pull them)….

Mouthwatering Masala Dose

Thankfully Anita yielded quickly (maybe due to persuasion of Sukanya or could not bear my plight) and started telling Sukanya “Swalpa maatra haaku” (put just a little bit). So that eased a bit and food started to become a bit more palatable.

In this context, I remember a nice portion of Mankuthimmana kagga written by Sri. DV Gundappa (DVG)

ಮಿತಿ ಇರಲಿ ನಿನ್ನೆಲ್ಲ ಜಗದ ವರ್ತನೆಗಳಲಿ

ಅತಿರೇಕದಿಂದೊಳಿತು ವಿಷಮವಾದೀತು……

(Be Restricted in all your behaviour and do not do anything in excess, for that excess could turn what’s good into poison).

 So, what used to be endless masala dose (do-say and not do-sa) sessions, eating out, eating in excess, were all now restricted and was making me better, in-terms of my health and well-being.  

 Exercise

I was advised by my Cardiac Surgeons (Dr. GKT Iyer and Dr. Divakar Bhat) to start with some light exercises like walking twice a day and I had to continue some basic exercises that were taught by the physiotherapists before I had left the hospital.

I approached my “Exercise Guru”, Dr. Gladson Johnson (Dr. GJ) and he advised me to take it light for the first four weeks and then approach him. The stitches area had to start healing. My Sternum had been cut and were now being held together by steel wires, I had to "exercise caution".

Turning in my bed was an effort in itself. My Doctor friend (Dr. Jayaprakash Shentar, Cardiac Electrophysiologist) had caution me that I will be hearing / feeling some strange sounds / noise when I turn around and that it was normal. I did feel (hear?) those movements in my sternum area when I used to turn around. All movements had to be done slowly and without any jerks or sudden movements.

I used to listen to Vishnu Sahasranama (A Sanskrit chanting of a thousand names of the Lord / God Vishnu) chanted by Chalkere brothers and that would last about 40 mins per session. A slow walk in the corridor between the lift doors  and in the apartment helped me in keeping my mind focused and work on a slow 40 mins walk per session and two sessions a day – every day. This had to be done with the chest pad strapped on as any time as I might have to cough at any time during my walk.

It was probably strange for my neighbours to see me walk slowly in the corridor with my EarPods stuffed into my ear and grinning at them, when they wished me. They later got to know of my health episode and then onwards were sympathetic to me.

I was raring to complete those four weeks and then start my exercises. Fixing an appointment at “Attitude”, the Physiotherapy place that Dr. GJ runs, I walked in to start my exercises. 

He examined me and taught me some simple stretches exercises to bring in mobility and flexibility. It was no doubt, tough. What used to be such a simple exercise or manoeuvre was now a herculean task. He promised me that within about four weeks, I should be able to join his regular workout sessions. I wasn’t too sure of that and how true he turned out to be! I later joined his “Fit Masters 007”, a 100 days exercises course.

Work

If there was something weighing heavily on me and bothering me, it was about my work.

I just wanted to get back to work and get myself engaged. At the same time, I was not sure, if I would be up to the task. I was still on medications. The diuretics that I was taking to ensure that I have no fluid accumulation would make me go often to the rest room. I could not sit through long (don’t we all feel that, even otherwise) video / audio conference calls. 

I also had doubts about my ability to lead an organisation having gone through CABG and all these episodes. It had left a deep scar in my mind.

I had to do an introspection about my abilities to carry on “like before”, if not better. 

I decided, with approval of the Doctor, that I will start active work from November 2022 (I had my CABG on 29th August 2022) and that would make it just about two months from my surgery.

We were about to inaugurate our new Electronics facility at Doddaballapura and Mr. Sudarshan Venu, Managing Director of TVS Motors was to come to inaugurate. It was a momentous and an important occasion. I did not want to miss that. The event date was fixed as 2nd November. I started back to work on 1st November. Incidentally, I was at the peak of Kilimanjaro on 1st November 2012. Exactly ten years before that. 

I was climbing up and down the stairs and walking around our campus much to the dismay of my colleagues who were advising me to take rests in between. I was excited to get this facility inaugurated as it had been my pet project.

Participating in the Inaugural function of our Electronics facility

Post inauguration, I started attending normal work on a half day basis and gradually moved to full day at work from 1st January 2023.

“To continue or not to continue” at work was an other big dilemma that I faced. All said and done, leading a 300+ Mil $ organisation having facilities in Mexico, USA, Europe, China, and India takes sustained 24 X 7 effort. I did not want to be feeling short myself or by people around me. I wanted to check the confidence of people around me, especially Mr. Ajith Rai, our chairman of the board, Anita and kids. After all, I was confident that these people cared for me, and I trusted them. The entire family (Anita, Ashwin, Maithreyi and Anish) felt that I need to be engaged and as I loved what I was doing, I should continue to do so and not “hang up the boots”.

I wanted to test waters and push myself to check if I could handle extreme work and embarked upon a whirlwind tour of Europe to visit our facilities and customers.Since the Covid times, had not done any business trips outside of India. 

I drew up a challenging itinerary. Frankfurt - Annweiler - Luxembourg- Munich - Nürnberg (Weekend with Ashwin and Maithreyi) - Munich - Cologne - Wuppertal - Bratislava - Siofok (Hungary) - Cologne (Weekend with Anish at Aachen) - Ljubljana (Slovenia) - Koper - Ljubljana- Munich - Bamberg - Munich - Frankfurt - Bengaluru. I was meeting five customers, visiting three of our facilities and interacting with one of the business associates with whom we had concluded a business deal about a year back.

All this in two weeks. Travelled by multiple flights, car, trains, and bus too, in cold winter of Europe.

I returned after this hectic business trip convinced that I could get back to work with full zest and vigour.

At Munich Central Train station

At Maithreyi and Ashwin’s place with Anish and a good friend Susheyl, Nürnberg.

 Still, I wasn’t sure of what the Chairman (Mr. Ajith Rai) and the board thought of my ability to lead. It was time to “face the elephant in the room”. On 4th of February, I gathered courage to discuss this subject of “Should I now retire, take the foot of the pedal and take life easy, or is it life as usual and I keep myself engaged, busy in the corporate world”?

While Ajith listened to me patiently in the end, he expressed his confidence in my abilities to continue and lead. 

Somehow through this entire exercise, both my boss at work and my immediate family had more confidence in me than I had in myself. 

I felt so relieved and decided to move on and continue working and with a renewed zeal.

Depression

There have been days, where I have felt listless. Overwhelming thoughts flood in and about all the things happening around us / to us. How pointless they are and seem to be. I was given into thoughts about life, death and after death. Many a day, when I have passed by our little pooja (Worship) area in the house, which apart from the normal multitude idols and photos of various Gods and Goddesses, three photos stare at me. They are that of my dad, mom, and my Father-in-law. I couldn't help thinking that I could have joined it (them) too as a photo. But, hey, here I am writing this blog!

This also led me to write a couple of poems: 

https://nsmcyberdude-thoughts.blogspot.com/2022/11/blog-post_13.html

https://nsmcyberdude-thoughts.blogspot.com/2022/11/blog-post_27.html

https://nsmcyberdude-thoughts.blogspot.com/2022/12/blog-post_28.html

I heard later that for a person who have gone through multiple CABG (Like my Quadruple), having bouts of depression is common (I haven't got this verified). I can say that I did have my bad days during the months of recovery and found it tough to maintain my sanity and cheerfulness.

Philosophy 

I guess that when one goes through “near death” or “born again” experience, it is natural to reach out to philosophical thoughts. Who am I? What’s my purpose? Why am I alive still? Is there some purpose still unfulfilled? Is this “body” “me”?

While I have been a bit philosophical in my thoughts right from my adulthood days, and have explored a bit, this was a bit more “experiential” or not really so, as people around me mentioned of me being “clinically dead”. I had no idea of that till I was told.

To quote DVG again, 

ಮರಣದಿಂ ಮುಂದೇನು?ಪ್ರೇತವೋ? ಭೂತವೋ?

ಪರಲೋಕವೋ?ಪುನರ್ಜನ್ಮವೊ? ಅದೇನೋ !

ತಿರುಗಿ ಬಂದವರಿಲ್ಲ, ವರದಿ ತಂದವರಿಲ್ಲ

ಧರೆಯ ಬಾಳ್ಗದರಿನೇಂ? - ಮಂಕುತಿಮ್ಮ

What is it that’s beyond death? A ghost, an apparition?

An other world? Rebirth? Whatever.

None who have returned back, brought the happenings.

It is better to live a (good) life on this earth - Mankuthimma

I resorted to reading some parts of Upanishads (More of Mandukya Upanishad). I sought to engage with a young philosopher to discuss these subjects and ran out of steam quickly and gave up.

I am glad that I sailed through this phase with great support from my close friends, colleagues, and family members (Especially Anita)

Back to normal

 While getting back to work definitely aided me in psychologically becoming strong, I needed more signals to say that I was physically back to my earlier days. Nothing would bolster my confidence better than a bout of exercises (Cardio, flexibility, stamina, strength) and my new found relaxation of riding Motorbikes.

Working out in a Gym

Based on the advice from Dr. GJ, I had resumed my physical exercises and I gifted myself with not one but two motor bikes. One, a performance electric bike, Ultraviolette f77, which I have nicknamed as “Sixty” and another one a cruiser, Royal Enfield Super meteor 650, named ಇಬ್ರುವಾಹನ or a two seater and added them to my earlier Jawa Perak, which I call it ಒಬ್ರುವಾಹನ or a single seater.

I also wrote a poem to celebrate the purchase of my Electric Bike (UV f77) - both in English and in Kannada.

Reproducing the English one (Written with some help from AI - ChatGPT)

 The f77 fun

A machine of power and speed,

An electric bike that takes the lead.

A leap of technology, a stunning sight,

The f77 is a true delight.

Six years in the making, a labour of love,

Inspired by aviation, soaring above.

A bike that's more than just a ride,

A statement of style, a point of pride.

The performance is electric, truly bold,

The speed is unparalleled, to behold.

A new era in biking has just begun,

With the f77, the future has come.

Honoured to be among the first,

To ride this beauty, an unparalleled burst.

Of energy and style, a true masterpiece,

The f77 is a ride like no other, a feast.

For the senses, a joy to behold,

The electric motor purrs, never gets old.

A new dawn of biking has begun,

With the f77, the future is fun. 

UV f77 - Electric bike “60”

Royal Enfield Super Meteor 650 “Ibbruvaahana”

Jawa Perak “Obruvaahana”.

The Kannada poem is more philosophical and talks about attitude towards life (Getting old is natural, staying young is an option)

https://nsmcyberdude-thoughts.blogspot.com/2023/02/blog-post.html

Check out for some the rides that I did with my bikes post all these health episodes. 

https://nsmcyberdude-thoughts.blogspot.com/2023/04/biking-with-uv-f77-super-meteor-650.html

I have continued to practice Vipassana meditation all along (Though not very regularly) and that has helped me to stay and have some sense of equanimity.

Conclusion

To conclude, I definitely owe a lot to people at my workplace (Special thanks to Mr. Ajith Kumar Rai and Eshwaran), my circle of friends (Special thanks to Amarnath and Rajashree), Physiotherapist (Dr. Gladson Johnson), Doctors (Dr. Ganesh Krishnan Iyer, Dr. Divakar Bhat, Dr. Ravindranath Reddy, Dr. Avinash), house helps (Sukanya and Nagaraj) and my family for sure. I feel that there IS A PURPOSE in life, whatever it is. I have got this lease of life and intend to make the best of this second innings or the back nine (as we say in Golf), keeping the head down, eye on the ball, not forcing anything, a natural swing, keep hitting and enjoy the game.

-Not the End-