My Brother’s friend

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Long time back, my brother had a very close friend. Being so, he was also like an elder brother to me. 


We lost touch with him many years back and even though we had made some feeble attempts to get back in touch, it did not work. Perhaps, more due to lack of intensity of getting back in touch from us and also from him. 


He was a very genial and down to earth person. He had many an advice for me as I grew up. 


When my brother attended his schoolmates 50th year get-together, he had hoped to see his old friend there and was disappointed not to see him. Enquiries with other classmates lead to an information that one of the classmates spoke to him about two plus years back and this old friend was sounding very sick with a feeble voice. Apparently, he had lost his job and was having health issues. The classmate gave a telephone number of the friend and it was not reachable. The “True caller” app suggested this was in the name of that old friend. 


My brother spoke to me about this and we decided to find his whereabouts and get back in touch and check if he needed help. 


On a suggestion, my brother reached out through various channels and got hold of friend’s sister’s phone number.


On calling her up, we got to know that this friend of ours is “No more”. He passed away about two years back and was in an ICU for a prolonged period. 


This lead me to think and write this blog. 


Why does this happen? Why, when at one time, we were close friends and could easily share each other’s joys and sorrows, drift apart and so far that we don’t know about each other any more!


Why we loose this connect? Is it just that our ways parted as our interests differed? Was it that we got caught in our own lives and we did not make them a part of ours? 

Was this “Friendship” then transactional and not more deep and emotional?


If it was so, why do we feel remorse when we heard of him not being there any more? Why this guilt trip? Why we “felt” for him? Why did we think that we should have been in contact and supported him in his difficult times? Is it a pure humanitarian thought?


Come what may, it taught me a lesson. When you have a friend, who has been out of touch for a long time, do not procrastinate and postpone your decision and action to contact him and continue the relationship. 

Life is too short for petty things and egos. A relationship like friendship should be nurtured and grown. It is a sensitive plant that can wither away fast, if not given attention to. 

I again refer to my favourite quote from poet Badaruddin shah. 

Ujale apni yaadon ke hamare saath rahne do

Na jane kis gali mein zindgi ki shaam ho jaye. 


Links to some thoughts on somewhat similar lines.

https://nsmcyberdude-thoughts.blogspot.com/2022/11/blog-post_13.html


https://nsmcyberdude-thoughts.blogspot.com/2022/10/blog-post_64.html




Comments

  1. Cheenu G. Srinivasan27 February 2024 at 16:48

    Lovely words! 🙏🏾 thought provoking.

    ReplyDelete
  2. NSM27 February 2024 at 19:09

    Thanks Cheenu

    ReplyDelete
  3. Arun Katti27 February 2024 at 19:16

    While you do mention "petty things and egos", I am sure there are plenty of other reasons for relationships to erode. Also, relationships after a long absence and under different circumstances than when they were initially formed, can change in nature and can indeed become transactional. The "transaction" involved may not involve anything material, but may be based simply on assuaging the remorse felt by not maintaining the relationship.

    Complex topic - let's sit down with a six-pack and discuss in more detail.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NSM28 February 2024 at 06:16

      Yes, I concur Arun. I do mean transactional as in a barter and it could be beyond material stuff. A complex topic indeed and needs more "West Vleteren" and a relaxed evening my friend!

      Delete

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