Death

 

In recent times, I have witnessed the profound grief and anguish of a few close friends who lost their loved ones—a father, a partner, a mother. While the experience of death is not unfamiliar to me—having lost my own father, mother, sister-in-law, and several close friends and relatives—the frequency of these recent losses around me has left a deeper impression. Perhaps it feels more intense now, especially after a near-death experience I went through in 2022 (Those three months in 2022)

These moments have compelled me to reflect more deeply—not just on death itself, but on what it means to those left behind. Philosophical ideas rarely offer comfort in such times. A person goes through what is described as "Smashna vairagya" or depression following a death. No justification seems enough. What remains is a void, a numbness, a quiet disbelief that someone we just spoke to, someone who shared space and time with us, is now no more.

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The Nature of Pain

Is it really pain that we feel? Not in the physical sense, certainly. But we still call it the pain of loss. Perhaps it's a kind of self-referential grief: “Oh, I lost them…” The emphasis often falls on the “I.” Is that what makes the loss feel more personal and raw? Are we mourning the person, or are we mourning what their absence means to us?

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Presence and Absence

One of the first emotions to surface is disbelief. We find it difficult to accept that someone is no longer “with us.” We half expect them to answer the phone, walk in through the door, or laugh with us again. Some people preserve their belongings, their wardrobes, or keep their room exactly as it was. It’s our way of delaying acceptance—that someone we once knew (note the use of past tense) is no longer here to interact with us.

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The Mystical Question: What Comes Next?

Death, with its mystery, often brings existential questions to the surface. Where did the person go? What happened to them after death?

Some believe the soul reincarnates into another body. Others say the departed join the ancestors—pitrloka, as per some Indian traditions. This leads to contemplation about the soul—that which cannot be burned, drenched, or destroyed, as described in the Bhagavad Gita. 

नैनं छिन्दन्ति शस्त्राणि नैनं दहति पावकः।

न चैनं क्लेदयन्त्यापो न शोषयति मारुतः॥

Weapons cannot cut the soul, fire cannot burn it,

Water cannot wet it, nor can the wind dry it.

Death, then, becomes not an end, but a passage as again described in the Bhagavad Gita.

Just as a person discards worn-out clothes and puts on new ones,
So does the embodied soul cast off old bodies and take on new ones.

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Life After Loss

We often hear that “time is a healer.” And, indeed, over time, acceptance seeps in. The sharpness of disbelief dulls. Life’s demands take over—we live, we work, we continue. The pain becomes less acute. What remains are memories—captured in photographs, stories retold, or dusty albums tucked away in corners of our homes.

Eventually, even those memories fade, as those who carried them move on too.

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Finding Acceptance

Accepting the inevitability of death—that once born, one must die—brings a certain clarity. It helps us view death not as an unexpected tragedy, but as part of life’s cycle. It reminds us not to dwell on the circumstances of a death, but to acknowledge its reality with grace.

Remembering the deceased with warmth—their laughter, their kindness, their moments of joy—can soften the pain. It helps us live with their absence in a more meaningful way.

This is not easy. Acceptance is a process, not a decision. It takes time and introspection. But seeking equanimity, rather than explanations or crutches—spiritual or otherwise—can lead us to a more peaceful engagement with loss.

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The two powerful Bollywood movies...

I am reminded of a powerful dialogue in the movie Anand delivered by Rajesh Khanna...

"कौन कब चला जाएगा, कुछ नहीं कह सकते...

ज़िंदगी और मौत ऊपर वाले के हाथ है जहाँपनाह,

उसे ना आप बदल सकते हैं, ना मैं...

हम सब तो रंगमंच की कठपुतलियाँ हैं,

जिसकी डोर ऊपरवाले की उंगलियों में बंधी है...

कब कौन कैसे उठेगा, ये कोई नहीं जानता..."

Who will go and when—no one can say...

Life and death are in God's hands, Your Majesty.

Neither you can change it, nor I...

We are all puppets on a stage,

and the strings are held in His fingers.

When, how, and who will be called away—no one knows..."

The other one that dwells on this topic of death and movie not to be missed would be "Saraansh". A Mahesh Bhatt’s film which marked the debut of Anupam Kher, who portrayed a grieving elderly father, despite being just in his late 20s at the time! It is about how an old couple deal with this loss.

Conclusion:

Death is not an end; it is a mirror to the life we lived, and a reminder to live better with those who remain.